one year ago // today

One year ago A&R were just 5 weeks old.
One year ago we were just getting into the routine of the NICU.
One year ago we were coming to terms with our news lives as parents of a child with Hydrocephalus. 
One year ago our two pound child was recovering from his first surgery.
One year ago that child was well enough to be placed into my arms for the first time. 
 He was so tiny and fragile.  I was so, so scared.  When they put him in my arms I remember trembling, for fear of hurting him.  I closely studied his monitor, making sure all his levels stayed in the safe range, so that I could enjoy this moment I so badly longed for.  I still remember how his tiny hand felt on my collarbone.  I remember hearing his fast breath and his baby sounds, so close to my heart.  After a few minutes he snuggled in and fell asleep.  He was home.  Back where he belonged.  My body only carried him for 5 1/2 months, but my hands would carry him forever.  
Today he is big.
Today he is strong.
Today he is everything I want him to be.  

Happy Halloween everyone!

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