i won't give up

I've heard this song many times before.  Kind of liked it.  Liked it a bit more when I heard this cover of it.

Then something happened.

I was sitting on my living room floor after feeding the boys their morning bottle.  I had the tv set to MTV and this video came on.  (Yes, MTV does still play videos but I guess only at the crack of dawn).  I sat there listening to the lyrics, and holding my baby boy Ryan.  And I started bawling, uncontrollably.  Yikers.  Seriously too early for this. 

Anyway, the next time I heard it, I was in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment with Aiden.  Again, bawling uncontrollably. 

I was shocked that I reacted this way to this song.  Most people who hear it picture a guy and a girl...a love story.  Some struggles sprinkled in there.  And at least one of them not willing to let go without a fight.  

To me, though, this song epitomizes what it means to be a parent.  To be a parent of a special needs child.  We've had our struggles and are dealing with some right now.  And although we are lucky enough to have mostly normal and happy days, I know that there is more pain awaiting us in the future.  But as a parent, it is my job to take that pain and digest it.  Make it so that my kids don't view it as such.  Make it so that they have the will and strength to get through it, no matter what "it" is.  And if it so happens that we don't get the desired outcome, it is my job to let them know it's okay.

Sometimes this is hard to do.  Especially when you look around and realize that your life is different.  But then I look at my boys, and I remember that I wouldn't want it any other way.  And my vow to them, is that I won't give up.  No matter what it takes.  No matter how hard it is.  And I know their daddy feels the same. 


  1. Anonymous12/21/2012

    You are such an awesome Mom Joanna!

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Anonymous1/12/2013

    Really admire u..me too have twin girl..one of them which my 2nd twin was hydro baby..get shunted 2 weeks ago..hope i'll be tough like u..-mala-


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