18 months ago we were here. 

We measured their weight in grams, their milk consumption in milliliters, and their breaths by the second.

A year ago we were here.   

We measured their weight in pounds, their milk consumption in ounces and their breaths by the day. 

Today, we are here. 

We've stopped obsessing over weight gain, ounces eaten and breaths taken.  We finally made it, to that place where we can just sit back and enjoy our family.  (Though I admit to loading their food up with extra calories, just to be safe.  Once a preemie mama, always a preemie mama.)

I'm having a hard time putting into words the way it feels to be the mother of these boys.  The privilege I have to watch them grow and learn is seriously enough to take my breath away.  To think that someone believed I was deserving enough to have these guys in my life is extremely humbling. 

Our lives take a lot of work these days.  But like a broken record I will say that I wouldn't change anything. 

And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty darn proud of myself and Seamus for surviving 18 months with not only twins, but special needs children.  It's hard work, and we are still learning how to be good parents, but we made it. 

At 18 months Ryan is pretty much officially sitting on his own.  He can sit for like 40 minutes at a time and usually catches himself if he falls.  He is getting stronger by the week and is able to bear some weight on his legs.  He loves his exersaucer now that he has the strength to hold himself up and turn himself around to reach all the toys.  We are working on having him bear weight on his hands and knees to get him used to the feeling of crawling.  He waves bye-bye to everyone he meets and also the to the tv.  He blows kisses when prompted.  He can gesture "me".  He says green & banana, when asked to repeat it.  He can drink from his sippy cup all by himself.  He takes bites of his food, rather than just shoving an entire piece into his mouth.  He loves balls and books.  And he is oh so snuggly. 

 At this point, Ryan requires a lot of attention because his curiosity is easily piqued, but since he's not mobile he relies on us for all of his transportation.  Sometimes it can be tough.  Having someone strapped to your side at all times.  But I try to remind myself that one day he won't need me as much.  And when I'm cuddling with him trying to get him to go back to sleep for the 5th time in a night, I try to enjoy his warm little hands on my collarbone and his muffled baby toddler sounds that end up lulling me to sleep.  

At 18 months Aiden is still a firecracker.  He is so ready to walk but lacks the confidence he needs to actually let go and do it.  He took a couple steps the other day but was quickly derailed when he stepped on a burp cloth that was randomly laying on the floor.  Any day now.  He bear crawls all over the place.  Dances to music.  He is bottle free and chugs from his sippy like it's a mug of beer.  He can point to his nose, belly and head.  He can sign "more" and "all done".  He can gesture "me" and when asked how big he is he lifts his hands up over his head.  He can say the word yellow.  This video is of Aiden talking.  The first minute has the most talking and I apologize for being so far away while filming but I was trying to be inconspicuous.

Aiden is currently going through some serious separation anxiety and he is mastering the art of the temper tantrum.  It is an odd place to be.  A parent whose child wants what he wants but is too young to be disciplined.  So at this point we ignore the tantrums.  Maybe he will stop one day?  Wishful thinking? 

So here we are.  A year and a half into this journey.  One that I can describe as extremely difficult.  Trying.  Testing.  You give up your entire life to nurture these little beings that are nothing without you.  And while some days you may resent them or even your spouse, simply because you haven't slept in 10 days, you quickly forget all that when this happens:

(Sorry, it's sideways.  I can't figure out how to turn it.  I'm a newb.)

I love my life.  And I can't wait for more. 

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