Healing is such an important aspect of the human race.
A child falls down and gets hurt. His scrapes will soon heal.
A momma gives birth. Her body will heal.
A girls gets her heart broken. In time she will heal.
Your spirit heals, too.
I'm sure you've noticed that I'm writing here less often lately. I think it's because I am beginning to heal.
I once told someone that this blog is the most selfish thing I could have done for myself post-babies. Yes, I blog to keep a record of A&R's milestones. I blog to raise awareness. I blog to support those who are in my shoes. But I also blog so that I can continue to talk about my experience in a way that I feel won't burden those around me. You can read if you wish. But you're not forced to sit there listen to me ramble.
I know that healing is a very long process, and even 20 months later I can't say that I am completely there yet. But I've definitely gotten over some things as of late and I am beginning to feel more 'normal'.
I no longer feel the need to adjust A&R's age when asked how old they are.
I no longer cry every time someone asks me why Ryan isn't walking yet or when I talk about our story.
I no longer feel pangs of envy when a friend announces their pregnancy.
I no longer feel all that different.
I can just be.
This doesn't mean that I am living in denial. Believe me, I know our family is different and will always be. But I'm at a really comfortable place right now, where I have embraced our crazy life. And seriously, the pride that I feel every day when my boys do something new, is beginning to overshadow any sadness I may feel for their lack of an easy life.
The other day Seamus and I had a random day off together so we decided to take the boys back to their first home. We visited the NICU where they spent the first 5 months of their lives. We left a little disappointed because no one was really around to visit with, but on our way out of the hospital we ran into our favorite nurse. She asked about how the boys were doing and as we discussed A&R's progress and struggles, we were reminded once again how truly lucky we are.
I will never forget our experience of where my kids came from, but I know that in time it won't be the center of my world anymore. Because focusing on the past is not going to benefit A&R's future. I must focus on the here & now, and be present for them each and every day so that they can flourish in the future.
Thank you boys for teaching your momma the most important lesson there is.