9.24.2013

two

For real?  This can't be.  My kids are going to be two tomorrow.  My kids are TWO!!

Two is a funny number in the preemie world.  Two is when they say your kids will catch up.  Two is when you leave prematurity behind you and you start living a normal life.  

Only for us this isn't the case.  And that's perfectly okay.  Because we've been living a normal life for quite a while now. 

I've spent the last 24 months of my and my children's lives sorting through and getting comfortable with myself, my environment and the people around me.  I've spent this time researching diagnoses and learning about therapy.  We've spent this time working with our kids, ensuring they get what they need to be where they should be developmentally.  We've fought hard, and they have too.  

Today we are at an interesting place.  Have they caught up?  In some areas, yes.  In some, no.  For us, and for a lot of families, prematurity isn't something we will ever say goodbye too.  And although I am not hurt or upset by it, I feel as though our physicians should not have used that phrase with us: "They will catch up by two".  It's not something I'll hold a grudge over.  Just something I needed to put out there.  Just in case someone is reading.

The other day, a woman asked me if Ryan will ever be okay.  This exact moment, and others like it, are where I exercise my ability to react properly to those around me.  Who knew, that a simple word such as "okay" would cause my blood to boil.  Rather than biting her head off, I simply answered that he is okay.  He is fantastic, as a matter of fact.  You see, Ryan may not walk, but he sure is mobile and independent.  He is happy and does not need our pity.  Even though walking is on our radar, and our therapy revolves around it, life would still go on if Ryan never walked.  Ryan will still be Ryan, and we will still love him like no other.  He will grow and learn, and flourish.  And his and our lives will be whole.

What exactly am I trying to say here?  I'm not sure.  Mostly I'm just spitting my thoughts out at this screen.  Things didn't turn out that way that we thought they would.  But I think things are exactly the way they're supposed to be.  Maybe physically we still have proof of what happened two years ago.  But really, we're getting very close to erasing that proof.  Not that we are ashamed by it.  But it's time to move on.  Time to live.  Time to enjoy our kids.

I can't believe how much they've grown and I'm seriously in awe of them everyday.   
  
Our world was rocked and we were just getting the hang of life with special needs twins.  Things were still scary and confusing.  Life was very hectic.  Our hearts were very full.


We began taking the boys more places.  We relaxed a little.  Life got a little easier, but harder at the same time.  (Not sure how that works.)  We began really enjoying being a family.  Our hearts were bursting with joy. 

 
Now, at two years old, I think we have the hang of this.  Our hearts continue to fill every day.  We are so very blessed. 




1 comment:

  1. They look wonderful- happy birthday to them both :) This makes me miss my little Ollie- he is doing well, though. They have him going to behavioral therapy 4 times a month and speech therapy 2 times a month through a program in the State of Texas that he qualified for. My daughter tells me he is adjusting to daycare and getting better every day with it- at first he wouldn't eat or play with the other kids, but he does now. He just has a struggle with communication, due to the hydrocephalus- at least that is what we think it is from. We get to see him the week of Thanksgiving- I am really looking forward to that. I hope he still recognizes me! Don't worry what other people say- your boys are definitely OK- more than OK! They are very happy and it comes through in their pictures. They have great parents:)

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