throwback & thankful

Seems as though throwback Thursday is a phrase that will soon be coined as an official word in Webster's dictionary.  Oh no wait, it's a phrase, not a word.  So that won't work.  So what, wikipedia or something?  Anyway, it's all over the internet and especially Instagram.  I participate once in a while but today's TBT photo brought back so many sweet memories.  Two years ago today, we finally got to see little Ryan's face tube free.  No more oxygen.  No more feeding tube.  And in four short days, he was well enough to actually come home with us.  

Two years ago, tube free for the first time & a couple weeks ago when he was still sleeping in our bed

How fitting that it's a photo of him sleeping when we finally just got him to sleep through the night.  Which by the way, he still is.  And his ability to fall asleep is only improving by the day.  

You know, I remember taking that photo two years ago as if it were taken yesterday.  How excited I was that the doctors removed his feeding tube.  How we basically lived at the hospital, visiting the boys before and after work.  How we were feverishly trying to prepare to bring Ryan home and trying to figure out how we would juggle one child at home and one still in the hospital, since Aiden still had a few weeks before he would be discharged.  It's all still so clear in my head, yet the person I was is so different.  

Things have changed for me since the NICU.  For us.  Hospitals are all too familiar, but it's not very bothersome to us.  It just is.  It's life.  It's what was given to us.  And I can't help but appreciate that time.  Even though it caused some pain and suffering for us, I'm choosing to look back and be thankful.  I don't want to be angry or sad or envious anymore.  And I'm not.  I'm hopeful for what's ahead.  And I'm happy for what's in my heart.  

I'm a lucky girl with three of the best men by my side.  And they love me so much.  I can tell.  

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